For as long as I can remember I have been looking to fill a void in my life, almost like a hole in my heart. I was always looking for outward love and blaming my insides when that love came up short or if it came at all. These were very painful feelings, and so I would try to escape them as often as I could. Whenever I felt my life was close to the end, or that I was pushing my limits. I would pray. Pray that if just once God would saved me I would do better, I would be better… He never failed me then and in those moments, I felt peace.
The last time I experienced that sadness and what I want to call the edge of my life I prayed that prayer to be saved for the last time. Since that day I have reintroduced myself to God. I have begun to work on learning him again and following his guidance. He has brought me such peace and, in my heart, and I have felt love like I have never felt before. I have struggled along my way, but I want to live my life the way he intended me to. Not the way I had chosen for myself. Today is my promise to continue to learn the ways of our lord and to walk in his footsteps because today I choose to surrender my life to Jesus.