Before the COVID-19 quarantine even started I was already broken. My Dad and my mom are divorce and I lived with my mom… I constantly had arguments with my mom, even sometimes leading to some arguments physically.
At those times I was angry, bitter, and empty. I have nobody to go to. When the COVID-19 quarantine started it has gotten worse. I was broken and alone. There was this void in my heart. I tried to fill that by doing earthly things. Includes watching porn and playing video games constantly. I did this as well to escape the pain that I felt. I felt empty doing these things, at these times I just wanted to die. I said to myself “Life seems meaningless, no one loves me, I have no more purpose to live if no one loves me.”
Then Jesus came into my mind, telling me that He loves me.
Then I felt peace and at the same time this joy and knowing that someone loves me. God loves me so much, that he even died for my sins on the cross. Showing his great unfailing love for me.
I was seeking God. While seeking him, I was still broken, depressed, suicidal, but even though at these times of me being like this, I felt comforted by God, I cannot explain it in words, except if you experience it yourself.
At my 15th birthday, I prayed a prayer saying to God saying that I wanted to know him more and I asked him for a bible. After that the next day, after my 15th birthday, I went to the bus stop because I was going somewhere, then I saw the Bible. I picked it up and was quite excited to read it. I read some daily, but eventually stopped. I was caught up in the things of this world. I was still having constant arguments with my mom and trying to fill the void in my heart was doing these earthly things. But now looking at it, it was that God was teaching me and correcting me, that these things are truly worthless, they are nothing. They just bring me nothing. Nothing can truly fill the void in my heart.
Then at last I truly realized that God gave me understanding that the things that I do are truly meaningless, I said to myself “Since everything I do seems meaningless, death is better than living like these. Being not loved by my own family, being depressed, broken, and empty.” But before I could have even killed myself, a voice came to my mind, “God is the one who can fill you, he can give you peace, joy, and his unfailing love.”
At that point, I was just crying to God every mostly night. I said to God that He can have me, “I give my life to you, I have nothing to give you, you can have a useless nothing like me”. Then I accepted Christ on my life, I believed on what he has done on the cross for me, trusting him in faith for my salvation. I started reading the bible daily… I was getting renewed by the Spirit, my brokenness and addiction was no longer in me. I was freed from them, instead I get the joy of how good God truly is, and feel this peace beyond understanding, and feeling his unfailing love for me.
I have given up everything and now I follow Christ my Lord, my Saviour, and my God. I thank God for saving a useless nothing like me, He gave me the Holy Spirit and now I walk in spirit, in Light, no longer darkness, but with Christ who lives in me! (Galatians 5:24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.) I now have new desires, new thinking, and a new heart. I no longer do the things that I used to do, instead I do the things that pleases God. “Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” All glory, honour, power, and salvation belong to our God! FOREVER AND EVER!
– Nathan, Grade 11