I never struggled with wondering if God was real. Instead, I questioned if God was worth following. I wondered, “What is the point of going to church every Sunday, and following all these rules, while our world continues to be so broken? Is being a Christian even worth it?” While I wrestled with this, I began to distance myself from God – even though my family was heavily involved in the church, and I did not want to disappoint them. So, I became good at being a Christian, but I had no idea who Christ truly was.
I spent years walking through hardship, feeling isolated and getting angry at God for ‘not showing up’. But it was only when I surrendered and chose to give God a true chance to show me who He was, that I saw change.
Some people hear a voice, see angels, or experience a dramatic change in a moment. God did not meet me in this way. For me, it took time, patience and it was a process.
Over time, I realized that for my entire life I was striving for perfection in every aspect and trying to do it all on my own. God taught me that I do not need to be anything, say anything, or do anything to earn his love. Who I have been, who I am today, who I will become, is never going to be enough and that is okay because that is exactly why He sent Jesus.
Being a Jesus follower is so much more than pursuing perfection by attending church and following rules. It is having a deep and meaningful relationship with a God who cares about me and those around me. God loves us and wants a relationship with us, even though we will continue to fail, and life will throw hardships at us. God did not abandon me when I was struggling but revealed that He was with me the whole time. I have also learned to accept, that our world is, and will continue to be broken, but He is even angrier about it than I am.
God is a gentleman. He will never force His way into our life. That is the beautiful and the crappy part of freedom of choice. We get to choose. I do not know what your experience with God looks like, all I can do is speak from my own. When I chose God, He came in, He met me, and radically changed my life. I have learned God is a God absolutely worth following – Not for what He does, but for who He is.