Before I came to Jesus, I had several heartbreaking and devastating situations. I was angry with God for my dad dying. I didn’t care about my health. I would sleep around trying to fill the need for love and approval. I lost my family and my job. Not only that, I struggled with guilt, fear, major depression to the point of self-harm.
I came to Jesus because of meeting my fiancé. I thought religion was not for me and that it was a farce. I ended up taking the Alpha course in January 2020. I asked questions and started praying only when I thought I needed Him. I then started taking my daughter to church with us and she loved the feeling of being there. After I saw my daughter’s attitude change, I slowly become more invested in starting a relationship with God. I came to church regularly and started to have more faith that God actually loved me.
I wasn’t fully on board with having a relationship with someone I have never met or seen, I still had questions, so I took Alpha online again in January of 2021. That was the moment that I knew I wanted to try and live the life as Jesus did. After continuing to go to church every Sunday either online or in person, I finally decided that I wanted to model my life after Jesus.
In April, we got amazing news that we were pregnant and were excited to have another precious life to add to our family. This was met with tragedy, and we lost the baby due to an ectopic pregnancy. My faith was tested. How could God do this and why couldn’t He let us have our baby? Through a helpful conversation with Pastor Phil, I realized God had a bigger plan. So, I started praying a lot more and doing some volunteer work with the church and my faith as started to rebuild seeing all the amazing work God does before us.
My life since coming to Jesus has changed immensely. The anger that I had toward God for taking my father is gone. My sexual desire for needed approval is no more. My approval comes from God’s love. My resentment towards my daughter’s mother is no longer as I realized she has a part in raising my beautiful daughter. God has helped me from self-harming; I have been clean for 2 years. Even though I am still in a difficult season of life fighting depression and anxiety, I lean into my faith and God.